My Mind and Then Some

Carlos to me: "Thank you soooo much for giving me parasites!"

Did I mention I have parasitology learning issues this block?

D: "I do kegels when I’m getting gas."

Okay, I have to explain this one.  A few of us were sitting around studying anasthesia and blood gas monitoring for finals one night when a friend of ours went on a tangent.   I think we were loosing it after too much studying but she started explaining how doctors advise women to do kegels after the birth their first baby during urination to prevent incontinence.  So don’t ask me why, but we started coming up with other good times when one could also do kegels and busting up over the visions they brought to mind ("I do kegels when I’m sitting in the car in traffic", "I do kegels during exams", "… at the gym, while studying, in the clinic, getting groceries…") Out of the blue my friend "D" comes out with, "I do kegels when I’m getting the gas."  The rest of us look at her, kind of repulsed, and then almost died laughing when we realized she meant when you go get the gas for the anaesthesia machine. 

Laura: "Bran, you sure you know how to cook?"
Brandon: "Dude, I’m a domestic."
Laura: "Uh, don’t you mean you are domestic?"
Brandon: "huh?"
Laura: "Sigh. Don’t think, just look pretty."

Daina to Ken: "So, you’re offering to put your meat in me."

Hana to Billy: "You had me at hello… but you lost me at cytokines."

So I have a friend and she told me the FUNNIEST story about herself that I’m going to share, anonymously of course.  (I’m telling her’s first so mine won’t seem so bad.) 

In anycase, it was my friend’s birthday and a few of her close friends wanted to take her out to a dance club.  So before the party they drank a bit at someone’s place, then arrived at the club and drank a bit more from the bar.  Before long they were all pretty tipsy but were still having a fabulous time dancing and flirting; the club was packed with people so my friend and her friends all had to hold hands each time they moved to keep from getting separated.  You know how girls move in packs!  (and because once drunk people are lost you’ll never find them again)  On one of these "moving trips" my friend noticed that from across the room this girl was staring at her.  Every time she looked at the girl all the girl did was stare back.  Well they stood there glaring at each other and giving each other dirty looks before finally my drunk friend got really pissed off and, still dragging all her friends in a line, headed straight for the girl… practically knocking people out of the way to get to the b*tch to tell her off before she could get away.  I don’t know exactly what she thought she was doing but she ran full force right up to this chick… and fully smashed herself flat, into a mirror.

  Enough said.

Billy: “Sometimes you don’t know how its going to come out,
sometimes it just don’t come out the way you plan it to. Sometimes it just comes out all crooked.”

Ah, so insightful.  Makes you sigh and think and nod nostalgically.  Oh, Billy… always on top of the game, got a lot of neurons doing a lot of strange synaptic things in that big brain of his.  But this time his big brain went underchallenged and just couldn’t quite revert to surfer when asked to answer Melanie’s quandry of, "Why do guys pee all over the fricken toilet seat??!"

Dr. Bertone DVM: "If you paid me $100 I will drink a whole bottle of BST (bovine somatotropin - cow growth hormones). All I
would get are amino acids."

Dude, ewe… ummm, anyone got a $100? 

Today’s bit of food animal knowledge:
When you buy organic meats you think you’re getting better, more natural meat from animals without chemicals etc. right?  Well no "chemicals" may be true but because the growers want to say they’re "organic", animals often will not be treated pharmacologically (because drugs are chemicals too!) for medical issues and may languish at the "organic" farms with nice tumors, puss filled abcesses, and open lesions with out  pain medications, antibiotics, etc until they’re headed to that big pasture in the sky… and on your plate.   Something to think about. And by the way, turkey may be the most "foul" (pun very much intended) meat to eat as they are the least regulated animal in the food industry.

I received an email one day from JZ.  (Yet again this is a JZ story with a whole slew of people in the To: list.  I opened up his email expecting either chainmail or a group announcement but all that was written was, "Fucking A Man!!"  AR???  Pwahahaha…

(…are we coming out of the closet b/c so far we’ve heard "Dude you’re Huge!" (refer to previous blog) and now this.)

Context: So someone had started an email thread about some strange thing and people were replying back and forth to everyone on the list.  They were commenting on how gross or funny or weird whatever it was, was.  When JZ finally gets around to replying to the thread all he put was, "Fucking A Man!!" , leaving out the COMMA that would have made this seemingly excited gay man’s cry into a suprised straight man’s expletive. Ahh, James James James… what are we to do with you?